Today we celebrate (cough) mourn the death of Joe the Plumber, a man who rose from obscurity for no reason at all, and became famous due to the fact that some Republicans confuse ignorant and smart.
Joe was killed today when he tried to plunge his toilet, yep it`s true. During the messy battle, all of the B.S. he had been stockpiling in his home created a "brown hole", which as you know, is 20x more powerful than black holes. Nobody can be sure if Joe is dead or not, but some in the Republican circle believe that he may be in a different dimension, one possibly where George Bush is still president, and Sarah Palin is the Sexretary of Defense. Unlucky enough for Joe, if this is true, he can be sure that world will end soon.
People from all over the country have gathered at the home of Joe, to celebrate the day he decided to rally part of the nation with one firm battle cry "DAT SOUNDS LIKE SOCIALISM ER TO ME!!!" We have not been graced with such oratory prowess since the forefathers of our nation, and he exploited that fact by then attempting to propel his undeserving political career forward, knowing that morons would support him because he was on the box with changing pictures for a few days. Rush Limbaugh was present at Joe`s home, and some say he took double the Oxycontin dosage today to kill the emotional pain, of course washing it down with three racks of ribs and a gallon of goats milk. Why goat`s milk you ask? Well, because it clogs arteries faster.
Sean Hannity was so upset, that some spectators say a few of his nylon hairs were out of place. It truly is a sad day. Many from the more conservative circles claim that blotches of fecal matter on the walls resemble the face of Jesus, which has created a sort of chaos in the heartland of the country, where people now believe the world is going to end in 27 hours. Who would have known...the world really needs Joe the Plumber. R.I.P. sweet prince.
In other news pirates are still taking part in their tomfoolery, as the FBI now has joined efforts to recover a captive captain these pirates have taken hostage. The odds are 1 to 1 that this guy doesn't survive the weekend, as nobody in the rescue probably speaks the language of the captors, and if they did, America does not give in to demands or threats anyway. We have to keep an image you know. Some have called for the usage of Johnny Depp, believing his knowledge of pirates can somehow end this fiasco in peace. People really do believe this can end well...but pirates are always looking to screw up something.
I think that Rush Limbaugh should head over to the boat immediately to talk the pirates down. The tactic he would use is to use rants to divide the country, er crew in half. Soon enough there will be a mutiny and the pirates will start killing each other off after believing what Limbaugh says. Once there is violence and killing, the pirates will realize Limbaugh is simply a radio personality with too much money, mass, and time on his hands.
